Therese of Lisieux writes that as she meditated on the New Commandment of Jesus, to love people as he loves them, she began to see how imperfect her own love was:
it was so obvious that I didn’t love my sisters as God loves them. I realize now , that perfect love means putting up with other people’s shortcomings, feeling no surprise at their weakness, finding encouragement even in the slightest evidence of good qualities in them.
To love people is to recognize their gifts and help these to unfold; it is also to accept their wounds and be patient and compassionate toward them. If we see only gifts and beauty, we idealize them. If we see only the wound, we do too much for them and tend to keep them in submission.