Tuesday, September 30, 2008

How Shall I Sing To God? Tuesday Prayer

How shall I sing to God
when life is filled with
gladness, loving and birth,
wonder and worth?
I'll sing from the heart
thankfully receiving
joyful in believing.
This is my song,
I'll sing it with love.

How shall I sing to God
when life is filled with
bleakness, empty and chill,
breaking my will?
I'll sing through my pain
angrily or aching,
crying or complaining.
This is my song,
I'll sing it with love.

How shall I sing to God
and tell my Saviors story
passover bread
life from the dead?
I'll sing with my life
witnessing and giving
risking and forgiving.
This is my song
I'll sing it with love.


#591 Gather Hymnal

6 comments:

Mary Beth said...

Boy, did I need this today, especially the second verse. Feeling very "sminchy" and uncharitable.

Better start singing!

Deb said...

Sigh. Must be in the air Mary Beth because I am in the "uncharitable" mood line as well...

This is the post I can't put on my blog...

I am wrestling with a bit of personal pain right now. I'm trying to be honest without splatting this everywhere and making the people involved look bad. At the same time, putting up a facade of "Little Debbie Cakes Happiness Preacher Woman" is fake and unreal.

I want to be clear that I am not neglecting my family or husband... and I'm not flunking out in school. I am faithfully doing what God asks me to do, right now, right where I am. Even when I hate it or I am being a "team player" and bailing someone out of their own mess, I pitch in and help. I give and I listen and I pray and I listen more...

I am working through some pretty hard questions, in case the Rich Mullins song didn't make it clear...

I have preached twice, been told I did a great job, and not been put back on the preaching roster. I have been allowed to lead Communion twice. And then... again, not put back on that rotation. Each time, I was told that I was clear, that I led well, that I brought people to the Presence... in other words, I didn't botch it.

I am the only woman on staff who wants to preach and teach... I was told that "preaching isn't everything." And then I must listen to the 3 male preachers complain that they are "so busy" and "so burdened" with preaching preparation.

I am working on my heart. I am confessing to all of you my anger and my hurt.

I am asking God to cleanse from my life and my ambitions anything that is not from God... and the desires of my heart do not change... if anything God only increases my desire and my heart to be His instrument.

So please pray for clarity of mind, and focus on where God wants me to grow. Because that matters more to me than "what other people think" at the moment.

thanks
deb

Mother Laura said...

Oh, Deb, what a rotten thing to deal with. You are in my prayer and so is the conversion of the men you are working with...

Juniper said...

prayers for all of us - and esp for Deb - for clarity from ourselves, from those around us and from God.

Mary Beth said...

Praying for you, Deb. your line spoke to me:

"I am asking God to cleanse from my life and my ambitions anything that is not from God... and the desires of my heart do not change... if anything God only increases my desire and my heart to be His instrument."

Working in a secular setting does not change the truth of this for me. Thank you.

the reverend mommy said...

Deb,
Holding you in prayer.
Your feelings are completely understandable.
It's something a lot of clergywomen feel.
(Deb)